Bellrays Garage Wig
Only £29.99! (with free nit comb)
Yes the world
has gone Garage crazy! Every flight into Heathrow at the moment unloads another
grubby arsed three piece with a can of Castrol GTX and a trashed drumkit. Now bands
up and down the length and breadth of Sydenham High Street are attempting to reinvent
themselves as garage punkers, merely by sticking 'The' in front of their name and ditching
their Radiohead b-sides setlist. Unsurprisingly the Kidz can't be so easily fooled.
They want the real thing freshly imported from those true rock n roll hotspots of New
York, Detroit, San Fran and er Huffelhoffelburg. Most of all they want their idols
to have a rock n roll look; dirty jeans, leather jacket and the wild "I've just been
dragged through a barbed wire fence backwards and then given a good flossing at a
fairground" hairstyle not something fashioned by Neville with the neck boils at Short
n Curleys in Sidcup.
Here's where SoundsXP
comes to the rescue with an authentic looking Bellrays wig. The creators, Syrup of Figs
Inc of Plumstead Common will not reveal the secret of their magnificent creation though
their MD Barney Shamrock was spotted rummaging in a skip around the back of a Greenwich
glue factory. However he denies that it's made from horse's tails and claims the dungy
smell does wear off eventually.
Our pictured model is of course a famous New York
slapheaded electro knob twiddler who recently reinvented himself as Muff Moby, and now
fronts a garage combo called The Mobies. Muff said "It's ironic really that
everyone said all my tunes sounded the same and now here I am in a garage band.
Anyway are you sure the shit smell goes away? Ok, and what about the flies?".
Don't be a square, get garage hair. Send credit card details to
irish-jig@soundsxp.com
Links to some other overpriced
rubbish you may have missed (if you
had something better to do with your time and money):
Yes the world
has gone Garage crazy! Every flight into Heathrow at the moment unloads another
grubby arsed three piece with a can of Castrol GTX and a trashed drumkit. Now bands
up and down the length and breadth of Sydenham High Street are attempting to reinvent
themselves as garage punkers, merely by sticking 'The' in front of their name and ditching
their Radiohead b-sides setlist. Unsurprisingly the Kidz can't be so easily fooled.
They want the real thing freshly imported from those true rock n roll hotspots of New
York, Detroit, San Fran and er Huffelhoffelburg. Most of all they want their idols
to have a rock n roll look; dirty jeans, leather jacket and the wild "I've just been
dragged through a barbed wire fence backwards and then given a good flossing at a
fairground" hairstyle not something fashioned by Neville with the neck boils at Short
n Curleys in Sidcup. 
