SoundsXP Message Boards - Indie, Indiepop, Nu-Folk and Alt-Country Forums

Homer to Bart/Lisa:


"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.”


"Trying is the first step on the road to failure"


''Boy, weaselling out of things is what separates us from the animals - except the weasel''


[After Bart was caught shoplifting] "Why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anyone laughing."


“Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand”


Homer and Marge


“Marge! My brain hurts!”

Marge: “Mr. Burns says if you don’t come in today, don’t bother coming in on Monday”. Homer: ”Woohoo!! 4 day weekend!”


“But Marge, who’s going to watch me lay on the couch if you go?”


"What's the point of going out? We always wind up back here anyway!"


"Right, so that's 4 Christmases I've ruined, 2 I've saved, 3 were kind of a draw....”

Just Homer


"Ok brain, I don't like you, and you don't like me, so lets get this over with and I can go back to killing you with beer" OR “Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a cue tip!”


“Every time I learn something new it pushes some of the old stuff out.”


“Donuts... Is there anything they can't do!”


“Mmmmm….. Hippo!”


"Ooooh, there's a NEW Mexico?"

"The Bible? What a preachy book!"

Others


Comic Book Guy: “Now why don't you make like my pants, and split!”


Brandine: “Damn it Cletus, why d'you have to park where my parents can see us making out?” Cletus: “Now come on Brandine they're my parents too!”

_________________
Mod Supreme, Demon Headmaster

Heh heh heh - it's funny because it's true!

_________________
Pukka Pie pest

Embrace the margin
Always Changing at Retford http://sptxx.tumblr.com/
Not Changing at Retford http://sptxx2.tumblr.com/

I GET JOKES.

Spinal Tap- "Thank you Springton. There will be no encores"

There will be more.

BURNS: We've syphoned extra power off from the orphanage. Who are they going to complain to... their parents?

BURNS: You've caused 13 meltdowns... ONE is too many!

HOMER: That horse had better win, or we're taking a trip to the glue factory... and HE won't get to come.

(and here's one they can't transmit on British TV... in the episode where Homer's describing to Bart the deft characterisation in the British sitcom 'Do Shut Up')

HOMER: If they're not having a "go with a bird", they're having a "row with a wan-ker"

_________________
Looks like Elijah Wood. Supports Liverpool. Likes Coldplay.

I have a theory that the Simpsons got into it's stride around the middle of the 2nd season and lost it completely at the 200th episode. After that they just seemed to have gueststars on for the sake of it. Not playing a role just being themselves.

There've been spots of the old genius on the newer shows but not many

Kent Brockman "I'm speaking to you LIVE from outside the townhall. How can you tell it's live? Penis"

and Kent again

"The shock news of Krusty the Klown's 5th and final retirement from showbusiness has produced such an outpouring of grief not seen since a small airplane crash wiped out the Banana Splits"

and during a show about an election

"Welcome to Fox News. Your first stop...for evil"

Ah, back in the days when John Schwartzwelder was the writer, third or fourth series...

Radioactive Man Movie:

A stagehand is painting a horse to look like a cow.

Ralph: (to Stagehand) "Why don't you use real cows?"
Stagehand: "Because cows don't look like cows on film."
Ralph: "What do you do if you need a horse?"
Stagehand: Normally we just tape a bunch of cats together"

Lemon Tree episode:

Bart: "Mum, something you said to me the other day really got through to me. Now I'm going to teach some kids a lesson..."
Homer: "Bart's become a tutor now. Tute on son! Tute on!"

Bart: "Oh, my chances of finding that tree are as useless as that lemon-shaped rock over there. Wait a minute... There's a lemon behind that rock!"

Skinner and Krabapple are caught having sex in the cupboard:

Ralph: "Daddy, today Mr Skinner and Mrs Krabapple were in the cupboard making babies, and I saw one of the babies and it looked at me!"

Ralph is caught playing in Chief Wiggum's police closet:

Wiggum: "Ralphy, you know you're not supposed to go in there! What is your fascination with my Forbidden Closet of Mystery?"

Itchy and Scratchy Land:

Roger Meyer Jr: "We are very sorry for the incovenience, here are two free tickets."
Homer: "But there are five of us."
Roger Meyer Jr: "Here are TWO free tickets."
Homer: "That's better."

Marge joins the police force...

Homer: "When Marge joined the police force, I thought it would be fun and exciting - like that programme, 'Cops'. Instead it was horrible and depressing, like that movie, 'Police Academy'."

Homer: "He's been in the garage a while - I'm going to see what he's up to."
Moe: "Garage?! Garaaaage?! Well ooh la de da, Mr French Man! Garaaage!"
Homer: "What do you call it?"
Moe: "A car hole."

Ned had supposedly killed Maude:

Bart: "We heard distinctly heard you say Maude was with God now."
Maude: "Oh, I was at Bible Camp, learning how to be more judgemental."

The best ones come from Gil. Gil calls his wife after nearly selling a car:

Gil: "Hi, honey, you'll never guess what.... No but I was this close! Ah honey, don't... Wait - who's that in the background? Is that Greg? Is that - no, don't put Greg on - Hi! Greg!"

Gil working in telesales:

Gil: "Ah come on, what do I have to do to sell it to ya? You want me to dance for ya? But you would't even see it! Okay, I'm dancin' I'm dancin'!"

At the Casino:

Gil: "Come on, throw Gil a six!"
Croupier: "Craps."
Gil: "Ah, why did I bet the company payroll, Gil's in a lotta trouble..."

In the Estate Agents:

Estate Agent: "Booya! Guess who sold the old Whitman place!"
(Applause)
Gil: "I've been working on the Whitman place for thirty years..."
(Cookie takes away his cubicle wall.)
Gil: "Don't take this one, I brought this one from home!"

Homer and Marge escape in a hot air balloon:

Gil: "No wait! I've been living in there!"
(A hotplate crashes to the ground)
Gil: "Ah, not the hotplate! I only had three more payments on that!"

I'll probably end up thinking of more later. Gil is a legend. Anyone seen 'Glengarry Glen Ross' with Jack Lemmon?

I like the way they moved Gil into the place of Lionel Hutz (Attorney at Law) after Phil Hartman was shot in the head by his wife.

On the season 3 dvd Matt Groening says that Phil Hartman had an idea to do a live action film version of Troy McClure. That would've been amazing.

"Stop The Planet Of The Apes I Want To Get Off!"

Moe is a legend aswell!
Homer is contemplating how he is going to get a raise off Mr Burns
Moe: Just go in there and ask him Homer....and if that don't work give him some face time with sweet lady brick!
Moe is playing with Maggie when a woman approaches him
Lady: Oh, what a sweet baby, she looks just like you.
Moe: Are you calling her repellent?!

My favourite episode was the Cape Fear one - can't remember any quotes but remember laughing ridiculously loud at the rake scene...how do you lot remember all the details?

_________________
Mod Supreme, Demon Headmaster

_________________
GREENFORD ROCK CITY!

Well, I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy sedation.

As long as there's sex and drugs, I can do without the Rock 'n' Roll....