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Tall, moustachioed alcoholic - plays firewood with a bow.

Actually, when you get right down to it, prog's quite hard to define.

Sister Ray by the Velvets, for example, isn't prog, but doesn't have much sense of direction (unless you count "grinding on until we really hate each other" as a direction).

Spangly capes are fairly prog, but James Brown wasn't.

Of course, it was easier to spot back in the days of vinyl LPs. If it had a triple gatefold sleeve by Roger Dean it was prog.

Greenslade revival anyone? No? How about the Marhavishnu Orchestra? Okay, last offer: Spooky Tooth. C'mon - Spooky Tooth!

I suppose prog's hard to define, but you know it when you smell it.

Let's slag off punk music now!

Okay, I'll have a go.

One of punk's underpinning notions was that a good idea done badly is better than a bad idea done well. And prog was a very, very bad idea done abysmally, depressingly, interminably well.

Damn! That's not really slagging off punk, is it? Still, at least I tried.