I am an expert on Sir John (my fruitbat tiddlybums - that's my pet name for him) Since my working class eyes spied 'The cockney amorist' - oh, did I weep me 'eart out, mister

In answer to your question, Jimmy - no, i'm not influenced by the media at all. And talking of the media I was most distressed to discover just how political page three girls are becoming. Today it was the delectable Keeley's turn to attack the influx of immigrants. With words of wisdom, that made Confucius hang his head in shame, she said and I quote And while most are here to work hard for a better life we can't have an open door to everyone She is of course entirely correct because she has natural double d breasts. Now instead of showing off her tits, she's just a tit. It spoils the visual pleasure. Perhaps they are using page three girls as propaganda activists, sending out subliminal messages to the jack jonses of life, hoping that jubblies will be enough to revalue their whole moral framework? And breathe...