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If Ian Curtis had lived, and enjoyed the ale…

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Roy Keane - for being captain of the World's Favourite Football ClubTM and a whingeing, dirty bollix too.

My top three cnuts, probably of all time...

- Jamie Oliver
- Nigel Havers
- Rick Wakeman

..all of which should be obvious

I am starting to warm to Jamie Oliver I do think his heart is in the right place and I think early on he was edited to look too much like a wideboy.

He can never be forgiven for Dancing in the moonlight though.

His Mum rung me up recently quite bizarrely too.

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Life is what happens when you are busy making plans - John Winston Lennon

I may have alzheimers but atleast I don't have alzheimers - ?

Also, some worthy new inclusions in Holy Moley's "cnuts corner" this week:

HR departments: If I can be bothered to write to your company about possible vacancies, at least write me a two line snooty letter to fuck off rather than me getting paranoid thinking the postman is stealing my mail.

and a somewhat spurious (and not at all bitter) tribute to "girls who put on weight" ...

Yes, you are curvy. Yes, I much prefer you to those too skinny bitches. Yes, I fancy you. Yes, I would love to fuck you senseless while your generous busom wobbles around in a thrilling fashion. Yes I would love to be your fuck buddy, you hot sexy bitch. What's that? You live in Cornwall? Don't worry, we can keep in touch.

However, when we finally have a chance to do it again after six months of me having no money and you being 300 odd miles away, DON'T turn up looking like you've spent the interim gorging on pies and burgers with lard dressing. Because in the time we've spent texting filth to each other I've grown to like you a lot. Now you've put me in a position of having to explain to my mates why I'm out with a human zeppelin, while they snigger about it behind my back.

mmm...

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Life is what happens when you are busy making plans - John Winston Lennon

I may have alzheimers but atleast I don't have alzheimers - ?

‘sleb cnuts are always the best; and footballing slebs are the biggest cnuts of all…

I once saw Robbie Fowler (at the height of his coked-up Liverpool fame circa 1996) kick some 10 year old in the head in Liverpool city centre because he asked for his autograph

Mmm.. ok, so how do you stay logged in round here?