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If Ian Curtis had lived, and enjoyed the ale…

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Ross Kemp was apparently assaulted by his wife, Sun editor Rebekah Wade, I hear. Which makes me laugh, actually.

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Tall, moustachioed alcoholic - plays firewood with a bow.

Disappointingly, it was something like 'Phil Mitchell gets assauled in the street' in large lettering, and in smallprint, without actually naming Ms Wade on the front page at all, something like 'and his brother's in a spot of bother too', all done in a very lighthearted 'ah, bless, we hate domestic violence really though' kind of way.

Indeed. Apparently The Sun is running a campaign at the moment against domestic violence accompanied by pictures of the VILE MONSTERS who carry out this crime. Future ones should be interesting...

No, too vile.

That's the saddest thing about it, the story has been presented as a farce and Wade has come out of it looking more like a feisty but loveable heroine than a hypocrite. Now, if Ross Kemp had been merely suspected of the same thing, as the Sun made clear she was, they'd have ripped him to shreds before his name was even cleared.