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I'm with her all day (apart from when she runs free) Beat that!

Little do you lot know what happens when I, a humble container of the above, 'get disposed of'. You probably think I end up in the bin, whereas I'm being surreptitiously slipped into a handbag...home visits a speciality.
The stories I could tell...

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I made my mind up back in Chelsea, when I go I'm going like Elsie

Bearing in mind all that's been posted on here already, we thought we'd invite you all to one of our parties.

I'm Percy Holepunch - my wife is Sally Sharpener, and our next door neighbours are Fenella Filing cabinet and her partner, Winona Wastepaper basket.
Come up next Thursday. We all have a few drinks, then put our locations and/or asset registration numbers/stock room locations in a hat, and pick 'em out and we pair up. Then the fun starts!! It's all quite adult, but we're all grown up broadminded office equipment/stationery items, so anything goes, really.
Ok, some people may baulk at the sight of a pencil sharpener having it off with an eraser - especially if there's a pack of Crayola nearby, all tossing themselves off - but it's 2000 and 5, for gawd's sake!!

fucking hell, has somebody put mescaline in the water in my absence?!

well, what a great welcome back - reading all that stationery related filth has given me my biggest laugh in ages! god, i've missed the brit sense of humour!

well, i'm home - and i'd like to say i'm bronzed and beautiful. but in truth, i'm a little crispy, both of gusset (really need a fucking bath!) and of face - overdid the sunbathing a little, so am now veering a little too closely to 'nikki lauder' for comfort!

all you feuding pens/quills etc will be thrilled to know i've remained pure of deed, if not thought, in my absence. well, that's not strictly true - i did knock a crafty one off one the beach one day, and under my blanket on the coach ( ) but that was it.

in truth, did get propositioned more than once, but without going into it too much, it caused - shall we say - a bit of 'tension' between me and my (female) travelling partner, so any hope of romance/cheap sex was thwarted.

ah well, never mind!

so anyway, i'm back and have absolutely fook all planned, so can you lot tell me if there's anything cool going on tomorrow and next weekend? i need to start filling my diary!