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Are we trying to goad the Plutonians into some sort of intergalactic fisticuffs? "Think you're a planet, you're not so big without your Charon sidekick, are ya? Oooof!"

So size does matter. Oh dear. I hope that they don't turn their attention to the male population. But seriously have they got nothing better to do?

1st astronomer: I'm bored of scrabble. What shall we do?
2nd A: I don't know. I'm kind of pissed off though. My wife says i'm just not big enough in the trouser department.
1st A: What a bitch! Well I can't help you out there but maybe...yeah, fuck it. Jumps up and starts throwing around scientific data blah de blah
2nd A: What are you doing, Tarquin?
1st A: Getting rid of the smallest planet. Will that make you feel better?
2nd A: Thinks real hard Yeah go on then. Why should I be the only one to get it in the neck...

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Jarvis Cocker or David Bowie or AVB or Johnny Borrell, she isn't picky

Cavey Cocker, Cup Cake Queen, Saint Thomas.

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Tall, moustachioed alcoholic - plays firewood with a bow.

A good move. If they let Pluto in then we'd have to put up with all its annoying mates as well. It's a sort of planetary immigration policy.

[NB: the above opinion is only provisional and may be changed once I hear what Page 3 girls have to say on the matter.]