Tom Cruise is infertile. He cannot have children. Nicole Kidman falls pregnant. Cruise knows its not his, and knows it is the lovechild of Russell Crowe. Cruise and Kidman divorce.
Cruise struggles to stay in relationships because of his infertility. People begin to think he is gay. This, to him, is embarrassing but he can't stay single for much longer. He forms a pact with Katie Holmes. Both want to simultaneously promote their movies, which are released at the same time. Cruise jumps on some sofas. Holmes wears a big ring. Their movies are successful but people question their motives. Only a baby will quash rumours that their love is for show.
Tom Cruise, however, is infertile. This poses something of a problem.
Problem solved:
I'm not a woman but even I know that it is impossible for her thighs, arms, breasts and face to be unchanged by pregnancy. Katie Holmes is not pregnant in this picture. She never was. Somehow though, a baby was apparently born and hidden away for four months.
Bollocks.
Firstly, anyone who refuses to let a child out of the house for that amount of time ought to be locked up for child abuse.
Which means they must have taken it out at some point and Tom Cruise is nowhere near powerful enough to have an injuction order against Paparazzi to prevent the child being photographed. David Beckham cannot prevent it. The Royal Family cannot prevent it. Michael Jackson could never prevent it. People will take photos and they will make it into the press.
The child never existed. The child on the cover of Vanity Fair isn't theirs (It's half oriental for crying out loud!)
I will bet good money on them pretending to hide it away again and announcing that it has died of a terminal disease in the very near future, when both have films out again. What with Tom's recent split from Paramount, he will need a bit of public sympathy to give weight to his new production company.
This is the most blatant sham of all time.Statistics: Posted by tim — Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:58 am
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