Is there a crisis in the Irish alternative music scene? To the outside observer maybe, a seeming production line of facsimile singer/songwriters churning out easy on the ear coffee table fare or run of the mill indie bands points towards a worrying trend of record company profit before really experimental music. So when in Dublin and you’re offered a night out by regular SXP contributors Johnnie and Lauren with the possibility of hearing some real diverse talent in the offering, only a fool would turn it down.

Opening act Party Weirdos were genuinely interesting (read the full review by Johnnie on this site), suitably skirting the desire to play anything remotely formulaic but still with enough suss to have half a tongue in cheek. At times bordering on near genius, others close to being a bit too self indulgent in their desire to be different, they reminded me of Pod era Breeders (no bad thing by any shakes) only lacking one real killer tune or hook in a song to be genuine contenders. They my be young in the tooth as a band, but have a certain something about them. Crisis? What crisis?

Before I continue, a question for you. How many times have you been to a gig and seen a great support act, and full of joyous anticipation as to just how fantastic the headliners will be, and end up being bitterly disappointed by them? More times than not I’d hazard a guess. Well let me tell you, top of the bill Hoovers and Sledgehammers trump any level of complete and utter trash that you have unwillingly had forced upon you – full stop – period – I kid you not.

I could end the review there and save you the suffering that I endured having to witness this depressingly piss poor attempt at music because that says it all, but I should at least try to paint a picture for you so you don’t ever feel the need to go and see them for yourself. Please, dear reader, promise me you will never go and see this pair of lukewarm excuses for entertainers.
It’s only a matter of seconds into the set that the alarm bells start ringing. Singer comes on stage wearing a Frankenstein’s Monster mask – uh-oh. Bass player shuffles on in long rain coat (sans trousers) wearing a crash helmet with long bits of tubing haphazardly taped to it. Oh Jesus – surely this can’t be as bad as it’s looking like it’s going to be. Moments later when an appalling drum loop emanates from the keyboard you have the shocking realisation that no, the reality is actually much much worse.

I’ll spare the details here (because the memory is just too painful) and just relate the facts. The bass player can actually play when he puts his mind to it, but for 95% of the set relies upon a repetitive loop of runs up and down which he probably learnt within the first 6 pages of “Learn Bass Guitar in a Day – The Easy Way”. In one song he used a distortion pedal which was as exciting as he got.

The singer played acoustic guitar a couple of times and knows fewer chords than even I do, and when not strumming away he occupied the drum stool. The keyboard, even when it was switched off, was considerably better at keeping time and showed a greater capacity for artistic flair than he did. All the way through the set he sang (if that’s the correct word to use) in various “humorous” accents, lyrics so lacking in actual comic content that he makes the complete works of the Macc Lads comparable to Oscar Wilde during one of his more witty phases. The only people in the audience who found them funny were students. If this is the standard of humour that floats the boat of the average junior academic nowadays, a massive hike in student loan repayments that drastically culls their population could only be a damn good thing.

This is the point where normally during giving an artist a less than positive review I would try to give them some pointers as to where they’re going wrong, but with this duo I couldn’t even begin, and to be truthful I just can’t be arsed just in case they fall under the illusion that I’m encouraging them to continue with this ridiculous odyssey. I’ve just discovered they’ve recorded 5 albums worth of material, and if this was a greatest hits package tonight then God only knows what the rest of their hideous back catalogue must be like.

What’s in a name? By tonights standards everything – in one case a band that’s just a little bit weird but sound like the sort of party you’d like to be invited to, and in the other a band that bludgeons you round the head with half baked humour that really really suck!

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